It seems to be fairly easy for me to say that I'm "back", but where? I'm back... home? Where is home? Because it feels wrong to say that home is the yellow house i left a couple years ago. It also feels stupid to say home is whatever college dorm I get assigned to at the beginning of each term. It also feels impossible to call home any of the other temporary places I've slept on for the past to years. So, where am I supposed to be back at?
I've had this conversation with one person only, but I'm afraid I don't have a home anymore. I left it when I moved away, and even though I know I can come back any time, I don't want to. I don't want to have the life I left behind back, because I hated it. Now it is easy for me to say it because I've seen the way the rest of the world lives and I want some of that. I want something of my own that is not an inherited lifestyle of a 9 to 5 and church on Sundays. I don't even want an office job. The problem is that I don't know how to even get it. It seems just so sensical for me to come back when I'm done with this tantrum of being away. Or at least that is what my parents thing I'll be doing.
But in my head, I have so many plans. So many places I want to go to. So many lives I want to live, not because I want to necessarily be away from my family or from this yellow house, but simply because I am alive and the world will end and I think it is really sad to not walk all over the world while I still have working legs. It's like chaining myself to nothing, for no crime. I can't be chained to a single place, but I think the price to pay for that is never knowing where one belongs to. I've seen so many places, with so many people and I can tell you a part of me belongs with each one of them, but who knows. It's not that I can't see myself anywhere, but that I can see everywhere in me. I don't know where home is, or why even I worry so much about a home when why have something that anchors you at such age?
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Do you/
