1. My GOV class. So much non-fiction reading that I'm not enjoying even though I think it's interesting.
2. That the girl my ex cheated-on with hasn't graduated. She's also my sorority sister.
3. The line outside of frats.
4. Snow in fucking April.
5. That I fall into terrible creative slumps every time I'm here.
6. That he hasn't texted me today.
7. That college costs money I don't have.
8. That every girl looks like they got lip filer over the summer.
9. That is not summer.
10. The terrible uncertainty of not knowing what is my next step when everyone around me seems to have a plan, or at least an idea of what they are doing after graduation and I have nothing. I spent so much of my time in high school thinking that the ultimate goal was to end up a a good college and now that I'm here I have no clue what to do next. I do have dreams and aspirations but I'm anxious all the time about them, because they do not feel "good enough" because they are not dreams of a great 9-5 that will provide me with great wealth while it sucks all the happiness and desire out of my soul. I fear I don't want to sit all day in an office that kills my soul and makes me wish I was never born. I want to write. I want a job in the humanities that lets me be surrounded by people that also care. Actually, people that don't care are also ok, I just want to have a village that needs me so that when I need them I know they'll be there. I just don't want to be alone at 11pm in a dark office while I regret all the life choices that led me to be a sad accountant that can pay rent but wishes to die.
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